


And Thats the Way My World Burns

by L_R_Walsh



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Processing Grief, post-reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-17 23:34:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21518275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_R_Walsh/pseuds/L_R_Walsh
Summary: Lena in the aftermath of losing Kara
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 3
Kudos: 86





	And Thats the Way My World Burns

Kara dies.

She wasn't there when it happened, Alex tried to give her the details but her body is on fire, burning with guilt. She knows there wasn't anything she could've done to prevent this, but fuck if she should've could've tried. Lena knows its her own pride that's killed Supergirl, if only she had been there. The guilt burns, and Lena's mind is racing, she's never been angrier, she's livid! Why did Kara have to fucking lie! None of this would've happened! Why why WHY, all Kara's promises now dust, gone, along with her. 'It's my fault, it's her fault', Lena mutters to herself, mind still racing trying to make sense of this new reality. Nothing makes sense. Everything is out of focus, shifting in and out, sound warbled and muffled; how could this be real this feels like she's stuck in a nightmare. She hates Kara and hates herself for hating her, she's gone now, what is she supposed to do with all this hurt, the pain from the betrayal has no wear to go, where can she set it down? All her alleged friends are mourning too, she's all alone again. Will anything ever make sense anymore? 

The Superfriends meet up at Kara's apartment. Her ghost is everywhere there, and its now being flooded with tears. Why did they agree to meet here, it suffocating and somehow doesn't feel real. Surrounded by all Kara's things, what the hell are they supposed to do with it all? Lena didn't want anything to do with Kara yesterday, and now. Now. Well fuck, what is now? Guilt, anger, resentment, love, all wistfully swirling within her, all at the surface, being felt all at once. Alex hands Lena a book, pulling Lena out of her head, telling her Kara would've wanted her to have it. A quick glance and Lena recognizes it as a diary. She's gonna fucking burn this book at the first opportunity, how dare Kara, that fucking coward. Whatever the fuck is in this journal Kara should've told her herself. The guilt resurges. 

Lena doesn't burn the journal, but she sure as hell's not going to read it. Part of her believes that once she reads it, Kara will truly be gone. Maybe she wants to pretend that Kara can walk back in at anytime to tell her herself. 

Months pass and she's never been more productive, diving into work to take her mind off of It. She doesn't put a name to It anymore, a name makes It real, gives It too much power over her. She won't admit that It makes her cry herself to sleep every night. 

The Superfriends check in every so often and after awhile they wear her down and she makes an appointment with a therapist, Alex and Nia go with her the first couple of times. Lena's glad that after everything, not everything was lost. Somehow death has brought everyone closer. Lena curses herself for seeing the good in this, curses herself for the wave of guilt. 

Another month. Forever and no time at all. Loss really does do crazy things to you, Lena thought she knew what that meant, but this feels different entirely. Even though Kara's gone, reminders of her are everywhere. 

One evening at home, she sits down and decides to open Kara's journal. She finally feels ready to read it. Within the first line Lena's vision is blurred with tears, she tosses the journal away from her unable to read further. Just as she's about to get up and get ready for bed, she'll try reading it again another day, she hears the swish of a cape. Her heart rate picks up, surging with hope. Her neck snaps quickly to look over at her balcony.

But its not her, and it will never be her again.

It's the wrong Kryptonian.

Her heart plummets, everything feels numb, feels stupid for having such irrational hope. What could he possibly want?

"Kara's with the Eradicator", he says, like that's supposed to mean something to her.

**Author's Note:**

> After reading so many, I've finally written my first fic! 
> 
> The Eradicator that I'm referencing is from the Reign of Superman movie btw


End file.
